Second Wind
by ExtravagantRain
Summary: Ilanya of the Boreal Valley returns to Firelink Shrine following her expedition through Irithyll and Anor Londo, where she receives some much-needed comfort and encouragement.


The mood in Firelink Shrine immediately changes as soon as the activity at the bonfire finishes, leaving Ilanya standing there in the most somber of moods. She has returned here following her victory over Aldrich, and her subsequent, agonizing farewell to Gwyndolin.

Her face tells everyone around that something awful has happened, and so they decide to not bother her.

The Fire Keeper does not inquire about applying souls earned to strengthening her, Anri does not rush to her side in an effort to ask about how things have been going, Hawkwood does not attempt to unload his own woes upon her.

Not even Patches, that unsavory, untrustworthy lout, makes an effort to pester her, for it seems even he has enough sense to give her the space she so desperately needs right now.

Ilanya makes her way to the outer area of the shrine, taking a seat near the edge of the graveyard that overlooks the great chasm between Firelink and the High Wall of Lothric. Here, in the relative silence, she allows herself to gather her thoughts, most of which currently pertain to just how awful she feels about not being able to save Gwyndolin.

Could she have been faster? Could she have taken less time in traversing the various areas she'd visited before reaching Irithyll and, subsequently, Anor Londo, and saved her friend from being consumed by the monster known as Aldrich? If she'd gone straight to Irithyll, would she have made it there _before_ Aldrich and Sulyvahn and been able to destroy them both in one fell swoop?

No, she tells herself, there's no way she could've known.

Hell, she couldn't have known that she'd end up in Irithyll at any point, especially since she'd been expecting to go up against Aldrich in the Cathedral of the Deep. Certainly, she'd had her hopes that, perhaps, she'd have needed to pass through Irithyll, if only just to see it again, but she hadn't been counting on it.

In the end, it hardly matters; she's now killed both Aldrich and Sulyvahn, and Gwyndolin is gone, though she _does_ possess his soul, which she has stored deep within her own.

She sighs as her thoughts again return to Gwyndolin, fresh tears working their way down her cheeks. The worst of it has passed, but the pain lingers on. She suspects it will continue to do so for a long while, perhaps even the remainder of her quest and well beyond then.

Trying not to dwell on it as much, Ilanya lets her thoughts drift from Gwyndolin to the other individuals she's met along her journey thus far. She had no idea when this all began that she'd come across so many wonderful (and some not so wonderful) people, but she's certainly grateful that they've entered her life, even that wretched Patches.

The Fire Keeper is lovely as she is kind, offering to Ilanya a comforting presence in between her treks throughout the distorted lands. She's the first one that Ilanya spoke to upon entering Firelink Shrine, teaching her how to get to the High Wall from there as well as helping her strengthen herself using the souls she'd received from slaying Iudex Gundyr. She's not one for much conversation, but Ilanya appreciates her all the same.

The second one Ilanya ever spoke to in Firelink was Hawkwood, known as a deserter. Ever since their first conversation, he has proven to be a downtrodden mess who can't bring himself to put in any effort to do anything. In fact, his first words to her were him more or less telling her to give up because they "can't even die right". Despite his crestfallen demeanor, his abrasive dismissal of her abilities and his own, she can't help but feel bad for him, and she sometimes sits with him before going on the next leg of her journey, if only to give him some sort of companionship.

The other three individuals native to the shrine are the handmaid, Andre, and Ludleth. She doesn't find any of them particularly interesting, but she's certainly appreciative of the services they offer, and she supposes they may have been much more impressive in their prime. Plus, none of them seem to be too unpleasant, even if the handmaid _is_ a little spooky.

She continues to think of the others she's met: Greirat, Irina, Eygon, Cornyx, Siegward, Anri and Horace, Sirris, Patches, Leonhard... They're each quite interesting in their own right, and she's glad she knows them (again, even Patches).

She's so caught up in her thoughts and memories that she has no idea that Greirat is sitting next to her until he speaks up.

"Quite the sight, even in its decrepit state, no?" he asks, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. This makes him chuckle, to which he says, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"N-No, it's okay, Greirat," Ilanya says, calming down from her momentary fright. "I was just...thinking."

"Just about the only thing we can do these days, hmm? Well, other than fight or go Hollow, though I doubt either of us wants to lose our sanity."

With a wry, pained smile, Ilanya says, "It would save me a whole mess of trouble."

"That's an interesting thing to say. What makes you say it?" Greirat asks, shifting slightly so he can get a better look at her.

"I wasn't expecting much out of this journey. I just wanted to fulfill the prophecy and get it over with. Hearing that Aldrich was one of the Lords of Cinder made things more interesting and personal, made me feel like I actually had a personal stake in all of this." Ilanya shakes her head. "I didn't count on running into Sulyvahn, and I _especially_ wasn't expecting to find out that, not only was the person who appeared to me in my childhood dreams real, but he was being _eaten_ by Aldrich."

"Oh?"

"Yeah..." Ilanya pauses, taking a breath before telling Greirat, "I know it makes me sound crazy or maybe even boastful, but...I had a god befriend me as a child. The Dark Sun Gwyndolin."

"A god, you say?" Greirat asks, tilting his head in interest and curiosity. "And a god of the First Age, at that. My, I had no idea they were still around. And to have one as a friend..." Greirat chortles in some kind of...delight, Ilanya supposes. "You truly are remarkable, aren't you?"

"Yeah, well... If I'm so remarkable, how come I couldn't stop him from being hurt so bad? I killed Aldrich and stopped him from eating Gwyndolin, but Gwyndolin still died in the end." A sniffle. "I was too late to save him. What kind of friend does that make me?"

"You can't blame yourself for something that was beyond your control, you know. I'm sort of an expert on that," Greirat says, shifting again so that he's sitting up a bit straighter. "You can spend the rest of your life asking yourself all kinds of what-ifs and it would never change the fact that what happens, happens, and what's already happened can't be undone or altered. I've lasted as long as I have because I've learned that, as much as I may have my regrets, I can do nothing to turn back the clock; I have to keep moving forward.

"Truly, it _is_ tragic and heartbreaking to lose a friend. I'm not saying you can't mourn him, or that you _shouldn't,_ or that you can't wish things had turned out differently. However, you can't get caught up on it, or else you won't be able to see everything in front of you. I would hate for you to lose yourself to grief."

Ilanya is rendered speechless by all of this. She certainly wasn't expecting a pep talk from Greirat, but it's not unwelcome. Truly, it touches her to see that Greirat clearly cares about her, and wants her to feel better. It all brings about more tears, though these ones are not of pain or grief, but, instead, happiness.

"Greirat...thank you," Ilanya says, smiling at the thief through her tears. "That actually helped me feel a bit better."

"Oh, I'm glad to hear that," Greirat says, following it up with a light chuckle.

Neither says anything else for several moments until Greirat breaks the silence once more.

"You know, I've seen the way you look at her," he says, and she can tell from his tone of voice that he's got a cheeky grin plastered across his face. "Have you told her how you feel yet?"

"H-Huh? What do you mean?" Ilanya asks. Understandably, such a sudden and curious accusation has caught her off-guard, causing her to blush quite a brilliant red.

Apparently, this delights Greirat, who unleashes a hearty laugh and pats Ilanya on the back.

"I see a lot more in Firelink Shrine than you might think," he says. "I don't always stay holed up with my wares; I like to stretch my legs sometimes. The two of you are so sweet with one another, and yet neither of you has made the first move. Does she know you like her?"

Still blushing, Ilanya manages to utter a weak, "No."

"You should tell her, you know."

"I'm...afraid."

"Afraid of what?" Greirat asks in a genuine manner. "You'll never know how _she_ feels if you don't speak up."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Ilanya says, turning away a bit. "What if...what if she doesn't feel the same way? Then I'd just look foolish in front of her."

"Better to look foolish and know for sure than to keep yourself in the dark and worry. Find the right time to do it, and I'm sure everything will come out like it's supposed to."

Greirat stands up in preparation to leave, saying, "Even in such a dark, uncertain time, I'd say we're all entitled to a little happiness. Give yourself the chance to have that happiness. I promise everything will work out in the end."

"Thank you, Greirat. Again. You've given me a lot to think about," Ilanya says, giving him a gentle smile.

"You're quite welcome. Should you wish to speak to me again, you know where to find me."

With this, Greirat departs, leaving Ilanya by herself once more.

Truly, the thief _has_ given her much to think about. His advice to her seems to come from a long life full of personal experience in each matter they discussed, and she is quite grateful to receive it.

When Ilanya began this journey, she really did not expect it to get personal. She was told that it was her duty to gather the Lords of Cinder at Firelink Shrine so that they might preserve the First Flame and prolong the Age of Fire. However, after Prince Lothric abdicated his throne, the other Lords followed suit, returning to their respective lands for their own reasons. This had irritated Ilanya, who had been hoping the endeavor would be simple and that she would be done in a flash.

With the revelation of Aldrich being a Lord of Cinder, however, it became quite personal for her. After all, he had been the one to Link the Fire in her time, depriving her of the honor of doing so. Of course, he had been _forced_ to do it, but that didn't make it any easier on her. Naturally, Sulyvahn had had a hand in orchestrating all of this, from the ambush that resulted in Ilanya being too weak to complete her task, to Aldrich being the one made to do it. She had been more than willing to kill the both of them to settle the immense grudge she held against them.

The addition of Gwyndolin into the equation had absolutely thrown her for a loop.

Again, she'd never really known if her childhood dreams were real in any capacity, so the discovery that Gwyndolin was, in fact, real, and that he was being consumed by a cannibalistic monster bent on drowning the world at large in some bizarre thing known only as the Deep, really sent her into overdrive. She had never fought anyone with as much rage or tenacity as she did Aldrich, and she did so in a valiant, vain effort to save her childhood friend.

The death of Gwyndolin has hit her very hard, but, thanks to Greirat, she knows she can't let it drag her down into despair, or else she'll never be able to carry on. She can definitely mourn his death and honor his memory, but she can't dwell on it.

She still has a journey to complete, and much to look forward to.

She has to keep moving forward.

To this end, she has a bit of an odd thought.

Her hands travel to the braid she's had for so long, the braid that she's worn into battle over the course of her journey thus far. It's been part of her trademark look for as long as she can remember, and yet...something is telling her that, perhaps, it's time for a change.

And so, she reaches for the knife she keeps on her belt for utility, then presses the blade to the very top of the braid, closing her eyes as she slices through the thick hair.

When she's done, she opens her eyes and looks down at her handiwork, placing the knife back on her belt. She finds herself smiling a bit as she stands up and holds the braid over the deep chasm.

Then, she lets it fall in, making a silent promise to let go of the past and look forward to the future.

* * *

When Ilanya walks back into Firelink Shrine, she has a brand new appearance. Her hair, previously bound in the braid and reaching her lower back, now only barely reaches her shoulders, framing her face just right. She has also swapped out her armor, from a hodgepodge of different sets, to almost the whole set of brass armor she discovered in Anor Londo, sans the helm.

She has surmised, through some means, that the woman who wore the armor was quite close to Gwyndolin, as well. Logically, it only makes sense to her that she don the armor in memory of both the woman and Gwyndolin.

Her head finally clear, Ilanya makes her way around the interior of the shrine to touch base with everyone, making sure to hand over the coal she found on the giant's remains to Andre, as well as giving the handmaid the ashes she found on the way to Anor Londo. She even stops by Ludleth in order to find out what she can make from Aldrich's soul, opting to craft the odd miracle he used in their fight, feeling yet another connection to Gwyndolin through it.

Were she an archer, she would have opted for the bow, she's sure.

Next, she has a conversation with Anri, who is astonished, relieved, and somewhat disappointed to hear that she's killed Aldrich, having wanted to do it himself but still glad the monster is dead at last. The two bid each other farewell, and Ilanya continues along her way.

After this, she stops by and talks to Greirat again, thanking him once more for the kind words he gave her earlier. He tells her that he's happy that she's feeling better, then mentions that it's quite a good thing she found her way to Irithyll, requesting to make a pillaging trip there, which she grants, but not without telling him to be careful. He assures her that he will do so, and that he will bring her back an impressive haul.

She can only hope Siegward is still there to keep an eye on him.

Finally, Ilanya approaches the Fire Keeper to strengthen her soul before sitting at the bonfire to decide on which miracles she's going to use for the next stretch of her journey. After she does that, she makes her own way back to Irithyll, to the bonfire just before the sewers, as she feels the path downward will lead her to the final Lord of Cinder.

Resolved to carry on and finish her journey no matter what, Ilanya rises from the bonfire she's traveled to and makes her way down.

She will not falter.

Of that, she is certain.


End file.
